Wednesday, October 12, 2016

"You're Lucky You Are Cute!"

"You’re lucky you are cute.  If you weren't, you wouldn't be sitting here next to me." I can't tell you how many times my husband has said that to me over the years.  While I feel like he is mostly joking, deep down I can't help but think that there must be some truth to it.  Lucky for me, he still thinks I am cute at age 65.  Lucky for me, he likes chubby women!  I've even asked him, "What if I were grotesquely disfigured in some kind of freak accident or a fire?" He says that it would be a deal breaker for him - and again, I feel like he is joking, but I certainly hope I never have to find out.  

The thing is that many, if not most, Saudi men probably feel this same way.  


I remember back almost 40 years ago when I first met my husband at university and I was getting to know him and his friends.  I would ask them a lot of questions about their culture, religion, education, views on life, and their thoughts about women.  I can recall asking several of his friends what qualities were they looking for in a wife? Every single one of them answered, "She must be beautiful."  

Surprisingly there weren't any other real attributes they were looking for in a woman. Personality didn't matter.  Intelligence didn't matter.  Neither did kindness, character, or even if she was an all-out bitch.  Physical beauty was the number one most important asset these Saudi men wanted in a woman.  Interestingly enough, the Koran is quite explicit about what type of woman a man should seek out when searching for a mate – and it’s not physical attractiveness.  Devotion to her religion is the quality that the Koran says a man should look for.


I know this makes my husband and other Saudi men sound like they are extremely superficial, and in this area, maybe they are.  But one needs to understand certain realities about the Saudi culture.  Extreme gender segregation is enforced from the onset of puberty.  Dating is not allowed.  And not only is it unacceptable to mix socially with the opposite sex, but it is also against the law - and one can be imprisoned or even lashed for being alone with a non-relative of the opposite sex.  Realizing these things, it’s easier to understand why physical beauty is so important to Saudi men.  In very conservative and traditional families, a couple may only meet face to face once prior to marriage, so first impressions are very important - and let's face it, in this situation looks matter.  

Some of my friends have told me about their relationships with their Saudi husbands.  Some of them are constantly belittled by their husbands about their weight or their cooking. Several of my friends have had weight loss surgery and some have had cosmetic surgery.  Some of them are persistently threatened with the very real possibility of their husbands taking a second wife, and several have even had to endure the pain when he actually went through with it.  Still others have been physically abused by their mates, while some are pressured to change themselves to be more to his liking.  I have always figured that my husband chose me because of who I am, not because of what he wanted to change me into.


Every morning at breakfast over our coffee, my husband looks at me across the table, with my disheveled hair and puffy eyes, and he tells me how beautiful I look.  And throughout the day when I least expect it, he repeats it again, and again.  I know I am lucky that he still sees me as that pretty young thing he first laid eyes on so long ago.  Even when I make him upset or do something mischievous, he still sloughs it off and says, “You’re lucky you’re cute!”  We rarely fight or get upset with one another.  Our marriage is an easy going one of mutual respect and lots of love.  He makes me laugh.  He makes me happy.  He makes me feel special - and beautiful.

I can only wonder how I got so lucky.  

31 comments:

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    1. Thank you, Stephanie! This is funny, but when I was in high school, I went through a period when every week, I would change the spelling of my name - and I actually used Siouxzee!!! There are SO many ways of spelling it if one gets creative - Suzee, Soozee, Soozie, Soughzee, Suezee, Suzy, Soosie, and on and on. When I saw your design name, I was delighted!

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  2. Susie, this is such a sweet post. You and your husband have a great relationship in spite of the cultural differences. So glad you were able to come to the states this summer!

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    1. Thanks, Lori. A multi-cultural relationship can be difficult at times, especially with a Muslim Arab in these times. I just want everyone to know that they shouldn't be judged as a group just because of their religion. There are bad apples in every culture, in every religion.

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  3. Which I would suggest, makes you a very lucky, happy lady, but also in a minority in Saudi.

    Oh I had to post as Anon. This is Bob Smith.

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    1. I don't know, Bob - I do know many women who are very happy with their spouses as well. Unfortunately we tend to hear more about the not so happy ones.

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    2. Dog bites man. Not reported. Man bites dog, full coverage. It's me again, I can't find a way to rely as me. Sorry.

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  4. That's the kind of relationship me and my husband have. We'll be married 40 years in March and he still thinks I am the cutest thing ever! Of course, he's not too bad himself! Very nice pictures of you and your husband.

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    1. Thank you, Jeanette. We are both very lucky women indeed.

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  5. Ah such a lovely read Susie. Great to read such a loving story about marriage. Delighted for you and your husband. I hope you are well back in Jeddah. Lots of love. xx

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    1. Hi Geraldine! It's great to hear from you. Thanks so much for your comment. You are missed here in Jeddah!

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  6. I love this so much. I have a sneaky feeling you two are as great in person as you seem from afar.

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    1. Thank you, Margo! We do have lots of fun together. My friends all love my husband too.

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  7. I came across your blog searching for an abaya pattern. Your husband is right, masha Allah, you ARE cute! I enjoy the tone of your writing the most. You seem to be making life there a grand adventure, instead of a sob story. I hope it always will be the former :).

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    1. Thanks so much! I have a lot to be grateful for and I do have a very good life here in Saudi Arabia.

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  8. Dear Susie

    I loved reading this post. Thank you for sharing with such openness and honesty. The pictures of you and your husband are so beautiful. May you be blessed with much love faith peace and happiness. :)

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    1. Hi Zainab - I'm glad you enjoyed this post. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

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  9. Masha Allah, what a beatiful blog.

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    1. Hi Faisal - Thank you so much. I'm glad you feel that way.

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  10. Happy birthday to you Susie! Great that you can overcome many challenges to enjoy life in Saudi & that your relationship with your husband is strong. It's a lovely cross cultural story! Best wishes from Australia! Kristina

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    1. Hi Kristina - It's so nice to hear from you - thanks for the birthday greetings! Hope you are well and life in good with you Down Under.

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  11. Are you the only one in his life?

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  12. I very much in love with a Saudi. He is the most kind, smart, and full of life. I am afraid he does not love me as much because at any giving time, even when he knows that I am ill, he takes off with his friends. He always says it is his culture that I am not invited to be with them. This in the USA is unheard of, as Western men in loved want to show case their girls. I do not mind following him to Saudi, but I am very scared that culture over love wins.

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    1. This type of behavior will only be worse if you were to get married and come to live back here in Saudi. If you have a problem with it now ... it's not going to get any better here. The culture is very strong - it's ingrained in them all their lives. You have to decide how much you are willing to put up with.

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  13. And you know what? You are very beautiful, Susie. Your husband is lucky to have you. I'm so glad your marriage is such a happy one. You were very brave to marry him and move to Saudi Arabia. I don't think I would have had your strength.

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    1. Awww thanks, Kay! I really have a very good life here. My hubby makes sure I get whatever I need. Sure there are some things I'd like to see changed, but for the most part, it's a good life.

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  14. Interesting post. Sounds like you have a very happy marriage. :)

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